Quill, Parchment, & Ink

Title: First Impressions
Characters: Javier Esposito, Kevin Ryan, Kate Beckett
Fandom: Castle
Series: City Protectors
Written For: whogeek
Prompt: first meeting
Summary: Esposito has waited and searched his entire life for his guide. He never thought he’d find him while sitting in the bullpen one day.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: no real spoilers, pre-season
Warnings: Esposito is overwhelmed, Ryan is understanding, Boys make a connection, Esposito is a double for Edward
Disclaimer: No one recognizable belongs to me. Not making any money out of this.
Author's Note: So because I am a slave to whogeek’s wants sometimes, y’all get how the boys meet and get together. She tried not to ask for it, but well, I already planned to write it so it really wasn’t that big a deal. I have one more story planned and then I’m done with the boys for now.


Esposito set the file aside as something teased his nose. Lifting his head, he scanned the room, trying not to extend his senses too far. He didn’t dare let them range too much, especially in the crowded bullpen. Still the scent was powerful enough that he didn’t have to breathe too deeply to get a strong whiff of it and it tempted him to get out of his seat to attempt to track it down. He couldn’t quite place it; the rich spicy scent reminded him of the bazaars overseas, but wasn’t something he had ever scented here. But Beckett had ordered him to sit and stay; to finish his paperwork so he didn’t move from his seat, even though he wanted nothing more than to find that smell.

As he continued to work, the scent began to weave itself around the bullpen, and Esposito wanted nothing more than to locate the source. Oddly it didn’t seem to be dissipating, but becoming stronger and actually closer.

Just as he was finishing the last report, Beckett came to a stop by his desk. “You’re done?” she asked.

“Just finished now. Why, we got a case?” he asked, signing off on the last file with a sigh of relief.

“Nope,” she answered. “Not a case. A department newbie. One that’s all ours. He just transferred in from narco. And he was…” She looked around. “Well, I thought he was right behind me.”

“Brunette?” Esposito asked. He indicated a man who looked like he’d be more at home on a college campus.

Beckett turned around, spotting the man immediately, and waving at him. The man’s look of confusion cleared up a little and he waved back before heading towards them. When he reached Esposito’s desk, he smiled briefly, before looking to Beckett. “Right. Kevin Ryan, Javier Esposito.”

Esposito inhaled, preparing to say something in response to the introduction, and was hit with the spicy scent he had noticed earlier. For a minute it was so overwhelming he couldn’t think beyond getting his nose right up against the source of the scent. Biting down on his tongue, he was able to give himself another sensation and reach out towards the newbie. “Welcome to homicide.”

“Thanks!” Ryan’s grin was almost blinding as he shook the hand Esposito had held out to him. “I’m really glad to be here.”

“Ease up, rookie,” Beckett said with a laugh when it became apparent that Esposito either couldn’t or wouldn’t respond. “Don’t get too excited or someone will try to steal you from us.”

“No,” Esposito growled without thinking. “Mine.”

Ryan blinked at his response. “Um, okay? I’m glad to be on your team, too?”

Beckett gave Esposito a strange look, trying to play it off. “He just gets a little weirdly possessive sometimes.” She clapped him on the shoulder, ignoring the look Esposito gave her at the touch. “Come on, I’ll show you where the lockers are.” As they walked off, she threw a look over her shoulder at Esposito as if to ask him what was wrong.

As Ryan and Beckett passed out of his line of sight, Esposito raised his hand to his nose; inhaling deeply. The scent that had been teasing him all morning danced across his nostrils and he bit back a moan as he realized what it was. “Ryan,” he breathed.

It was all he could do not to jump up and search the rookie out, wanting more of the scent. He only restrained himself because he knew eventually Beckett would bring the other man back and the only open desk was right across from his. There was no way Beckett wasn’t going to pair them together; she hated working with someone on a regular basis.

He kept an eye out, waiting for them to return, and was very pleased when he was right as Beckett directed Ryan to the desk across from his. For the rest of the day, it was all he could do not to find every excuse to touch the rookie or rub up against him. He knew that was inappropriate, no matter how badly he wanted to touch the younger man. He did manage to find a few excuses to brush up near Ryan and inhale deeply; committing the scent to memory.

As they were packing up at the end of the day, Esposito realized that he wasn’t going to be able to immerse himself in Ryan’s scent for the rest of the night. His fingers tensed on his jacket as he tried to figure out a good excuse for inviting the rookie out to dinner or another reason to extend their time together. Even as he was opening his mouth to blurt something out, Ryan was waving to them and heading out of the squad room.

Without consciously thinking about it, Esposito headed for the stairs as Ryan entered the elevator, knowing he could easily reach the ground floor before the car. He hoped the other man planned to take the subway and not a car, but still had to try.

It was only a few minutes after he reached the main floor that Ryan spilled out of the elevator, laughing with a few other officers that were coming off-duty. Esposito didn’t immediately recognize them, but he felt a low growl rumble through him as a couple brushed close to Ryan; jostling him. The rookie kept his footing though and didn’t seem unduly bothered by the shoving. One of them apologized and Esposito realized it wasn’t done on purpose.

Once on the subway, he lurked at the back of the car, trusting in the scent to tell him when Ryan was preparing to get off. It was remarkably easy to track him using only the scent and in any other situation he would have worried about it. Right now he was more interested in making sure he didn’t lose him. Part of his mind was attempting to figure out why Ryan was so intriguing. He didn’t think he’d be able to figure it out until he spent more time with the other man though.

When they reached the building, Esposito was pleased to see a fire escape along one side. Now he just had to hope that Ryan’s apartment was on that side. He loitered a couple of buildings down as Ryan greeted the kids playing out front, catching the ball one of them tossed him, and throwing it around with them for a few minutes. A feeling of contentment spread through him at the sight of Ryan so clearly settled, but he wanted to know where the other man lived and make sure it was somewhere he was safe.

Finally Ryan tossed the ball back to the kids and waved to them as he headed into the building. Esposito hauled himself up onto the fire escape before clambering higher; hoping he’d be able to smell Ryan once the man reached his apartment. As he climbed, he saw open windows, but no one seemed to think anything of him being outside on the escape.

About halfway up, the scent teased his nose and he stopped, realizing he had found the apartment. The window was already open and he could hear Ryan moving around inside, clearly preparing dinner. His scent mixed with the eggs and bacon he was frying for dinner making Esposito’s stomach rumble, but the man ignored his hunger; wanting to stay close to Ryan.

As he settled more comfortably on the fire escape, he tried to place what exactly the scent flowing off Ryan was. It was easy for him to pick out coffee and gun oil since those were two scents he smelled almost constantly. Next were the dry cleaning chemicals as the wind rifled the suit jacket Ryan had hung on the back of the chair. The spicy scent caught up to him again and he inhaled deeply, trying to place the exact spice. It took a minute, but finally he breathed, “Cardamom. Cardamom and ginger.”

The words were apparently a bit louder than he meant or he moved just enough to draw Ryan’s attention because a loud bang echoed through the room and he jumped slightly. “What. The. Hell?” Ryan demanded, sticking his head out the window. “Did you follow me home?!”

“Um. That might possibly be what happened,” Esposito said. “But it’s not what it looks like.”

“It doesn’t look like you turned into a creepy stalker my first day on the job?” Ryan asked.

“I just want to be near you.”

“Dude. Get. Away. This is not cool.”

“I won’t come in. I won’t bother you. I just want… I need to be near you.”

Ryan bit back the whimper at the pain he felt coming off the other man, even when he was almost completely locked down; he could still feel it coming off the man on his fire escape in waves. “Go home,” he ordered.

Esposito whined, shifting in his seat. “I just want to be near you. I promise I won’t try to touch you anymore or anything.”

Ryan studied him for a minute, obviously wondering what was going on. He crossed his arms as he stared at the other man. “Why?”

“I can’t explain it, but you smell good. And I just… I need to be near you.” Esposito crept closer to the window, inwardly cheering when Ryan didn’t retreat.

“You’re creepy. You know that, right?” Ryan asked. “I mean. Did you seriously follow me home?”

“It wasn’t like I really meant to. But you smell really good and I couldn’t help it!” Esposito protested. He huddled back down, trying to keep away from the annoyed angry smells that were almost burying the attractive scent. “I won’t come in. I won’t bother you.”

Ryan sighed, rubbing his spiky hair before motioning towards the inside of the apartment. “Come on. You need to eat even if you’re being weird as hell. I’ll feed you and then you’re going home. Do you hear me?” He frowned. “You do have an apartment, right? You don’t just hang out on fire escapes or at the precinct all night, do you?”

Esposito rolled his eyes. “Yes, I have an apartment.”

“Good. Come in then.” Ryan turned and headed back towards the kitchen. “It’s nothing fancy, but I can feed you at least.”

Esposito clambered in through the window. “I was in the Army. Your cooking can’t be any worse than that or than MREs.” He looked around as he entered, taking in his surroundings.

There wasn’t much in the apartment, at least not that Esposito could see from his vantage point. A large red couch dominated one wall and Esposito wrinkled his nose when he got too close to it. Ryan’s scent overlaid most of the smells on it, but it had clearly not been bought new. A coffee table had been pushed against one wall and a kitchen chair had been pulled up against it as if Ryan had been working there at some point. A recliner faced the TV with a well-appointed game console underneath it. From where he was standing, Esposito could see open doors to a bedroom and bathroom. The kitchen was easily viewable over a half-wall. Ryan was at the sink, scrapping the eggs he’d been cooking into the garbage disposal. “Scrambled okay?”

Cautiously Esposito crossed the room, leaning on the half-wall as he watched Ryan move confidently around the kitchen. “Yeah,” he said after a minute. “It’s fine. Thank you.”

Ryan nodded. “Why don’t you go sit down? It won’t be long.”

“I.” Esposito shook his head. “Can I just stay here? If you don’t mind?”

“Just stay out of the way,” Ryan said. He moved over towards the refrigerator, setting the pan on the stove on his way. He wasn’t sure why he was so willing to allow a man he had just met—one who could most likely easily overpower him—into his apartment, much less why he wanted so badly to take care of him, but something needled him until he invited the other man in. Now that Esposito was inside his home, some of his unease was lessening. The other man seemed to be calm, looking with interest around the apartment.

A moment later, Ryan set a plate in front of Esposito. “Salt? Pepper? Ketchup?” he asked.

“Tabasco?”

“Um, yeah. I might have some.” Ryan turned back, rummaging through the refrigerator for a minute before emerging triumphantly and handing the bottle to Esposito. “Seriously? On your eggs?”

“You offered me ketchup,” Esposito pointed out. He carefully shook some out onto his plate, not allowing it to touch his eggs and then dipping just the edge of a bit of egg into the puddle.

“If you didn’t want it,” Ryan said, “why did you ask for it?”

“I like it,” Esposito said as he eyed the eggs as if they were going to attack him. “But they sometimes… It doesn’t always… Sometimes the spice is a little too much for me.”

Ryan frowned as he settled his chin on one hand, propping it up so he could stare at Esposito. “Is it just taste? Or do your other senses bother you?”

Esposito set his fork down, considering how to answer. He was almost positive now that Ryan was a guide, but he wasn’t sure why he was so attracted to him. Something about the younger man called to him though and he felt an innate sense that told him to trust Ryan. “All of them.”

“And has it always been this way?” Ryan nudged his hand. “Eat your eggs.”

Esposito put aside the ones he’d dipped in the sauce and forked up some of the plain ones, shoving them into his mouth. Once he’d swallowed, he said, “No. Not always. When I was a kid, they kinda faded in and out. Then as I got older, then steadied a little. When I was in the army, they were pretty even. Had someone with me who helped out, one of the guys in my squad was able to help me keep them on an even keel.”

“All the senses.” Ryan settled more firmly on his stool. “And you. You’ve done this completely on your own? You’ve had no guide?”

Esposito shook his head. “I’ve never found my guide. I haven’t been that blessed.”

Ryan reached out tentatively, stroking a finger down the older man’s arm. “That you’ve survived this long and still have control and haven’t gone crazy.” He smiled. “It’s amazing. And you’ve never had any hint of where your guide might be?”

Esposito shook his head. “No, but I’m sure I’ll find him some day. If I’m meant to.”

“I hope you do. How will you know him?” Ryan asked.

“I just will.” Esposito shrugged. “I would imagine he’d smell really good. And his touch would soothe me. And his voice would make me feel better.” He shrugged again. “I’ll find him some day.”

“And you’re so sure your guide is a he?” Ryan asked.

Daringly Esposito reached out, stroking the back of his hand down Ryan’s cheek. “Yes, I’m sure.”

Ryan shuddered at the touch as Esposito’s happiness and contentment settled into his gut. Normally it was easy to block other people’s emotions, he had had plenty of practice over the years, but one touch from Esposito and he couldn’t seem to block the other man out. He drew back from Esposito’s touch, hoping it would lessen the impact. “If you’re done eating, I think you’d better go,” he said, as much as it pained him to send the other man away.

“Yeah. Okay.” Esposito pulled himself back, although all he wanted to do was lean in and taste. He pushed himself away from the bar where they’d been eating. “I’ll see you at the station tomorrow.” His fingers twitched towards the fork the other man had used, but he stopped himself from taking it and stood up. “Thanks for dinner.”

“Thanks for trusting me with your secret.” Ryan smiled at him. “I’ll keep it to myself.”

“I know you will,” Esposito reassured him. “And Beckett knows. She’ll ask me sometimes if I notice something at a scene. I’ll let her know you’re in on the secret.”

“All right. Good night then.”

The door shutting behind him felt so final, but Esposito knew he wasn’t going home. He headed down the stairs, already making plans for how he would sneak back up the fire escape.



Ryan walked out of his bathroom, drying his hair with a towel, when he realized he could still feel the same low level contentment that he’d been enjoying all night. He glanced around the apartment, but didn’t see anyone. As he was turning towards the window, he caught sight of a figure out on the fire escape. “Oh you have got to be kidding me!” He stalked over to the window, banging on the frame. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I was sleeping,” Esposito answered. He stretched, working the kinks out of his back and neck. “Good morning.”

“Did you sleep out there all night?”

Esposito shrugged. “Slept in worse places. Didn’t rain. And it was plenty warm enough.”

“You’re a crazy person!”

Esposito grinned as if he was amused by the reaction. “I promise I’m not. What can I do to prove it to you?”

Ryan considered his question for a minute. “I can.” He made a motion drawing Esposito towards him. “Let me touch you?”

“Yes.” He leaned forward eagerly, almost falling through the window as he tried to get close enough for Ryan to reach him.

Ryan bit his lip as he tried not to laugh at the man he assumed was very athletic almost tripping over himself. “Come inside before you hurt yourself.”

Esposito swung his legs in, slithering through the window more rapidly than the night before. As soon as he was inside, he reached for Ryan, but the younger man ducked away; grabbing his arm as if to twist it. “Don’t,” he warned. Esposito immediately froze at the touch of his hands before relaxing into his grip. “Go sit in the recliner,” he instructed.

“I thought you wanted to touch me?” Esposito said as he hurried to comply.

“I will, but it’s easier if we’re both sitting,” Ryan answered. He grabbed the chair that was sitting by the coffee table and pulled it over in front of the recliner, placing himself so he could easily reach Esposito.

Ryan paused, just looking at him before reaching out and touching his face gently. Esposito shuddered under the easy press of his fingers. Ryan’s blue eyes rolled back in his head and he breathed deeply. He rarely tried to read someone this deeply, but it was so easy with Esposito. A simple touch opened up everything the other man was feeling and it was all Ryan could do not to be overwhelmed by the feelings of contentment and happiness that he had found what he was looking for.

“Me?” Ryan asked in amazement. “You were looking for me?”

Esposito reached out, running a finger down his cheek before moving his hand back up and through Ryan’s hair. “Yes. Just for you. Can I… Would you…” He took Ryan’s hand, tugging him towards the chair. “Come here.”

Ryan looked at him, but allowed himself to be pulled into Esposito’s lap; curling up on it. It took him a minute to get situated, but finally he relaxed enough that he wasn’t completely tense. “Why?”

“I want to smell you,” Esposito answered honestly.

“Not why am I sitting on your lap, but why me?” Ryan asked as Esposito slid the knot on Ryan’s tie down, undoing the first three buttons on his shirt.

“I have been looking for you all my life,” Esposito said. “And even if you don’t believe or understand me now, I hope you’ll give me a chance.”

“Esposito, I’m sitting in the lap of a man I just met yesterday. I’d consider that giving you a chance,” Ryan snarked at him.

“Javi,” Esposito corrected.

“What?”

He parted the shirt collar, baring Ryan’s collarbone, and setting his nose against it. Ryan shivered as if it was cold before almost pressing into it. “Call me Javi,” Esposito repeated. “It’s… weird if you keep calling me Esposito.”

“Cause that’s the weirdest thing about all of this.” Ryan jumped as he felt something wet swipe across his skin. “Did you just lick me?!”

Esposito jerked back as if afraid Ryan was upset with him. “I’m sorry! I just wanted to taste you.”

“It’s okay,” Ryan said slowly and strangely it was. “Just. A little warning next time.”

Nuzzling against the skin he’d bared, Esposito inhaled deeply. His fingers stroked along Ryan’s wrist where the other man held onto him as he tried to pull the smaller man tighter against his body. “I can’t say I’m sorry. I’m trying to restrain myself.”

“What do you want?” Ryan asked. He could almost feel how much the other man was keeping himself in check; not just in his muscles but also in his feelings. All that coiled power resting beneath him was doing something to Ryan and he wanted to tease him to see what would happen. He just didn’t think it would be a good idea. He didn’t get the feeling that Esposito would hurt him, but he was afraid he would hurt himself trying to prevent it.

“I want you,” Esposito said against his skin. His thumbs stroked across Ryan’s collarbone. “But I can wait. I know you weren’t expecting this.”

“That’s an understatement.”

Esposito grinned at the show of humor from his guide, glad to see that he would be willing to talk back to him. At least one of the temporary guides he’d worked with had jumped every time he’d opened his mouth and he’d finally sent the man away, refusing to work with someone who was afraid of him. Finally he drew back enough that he could talk without his mouth brushing against Ryan’s skin with every word. “I’d like to stay here for the rest of the day…” he started.

“But we do have a shift today,” Ryan finished. “And it would probably look bad if you showed up in the same clothes as yesterday.” He tried to shift to clamber off Esposito’s lap, but the other man held tight. “You’re gonna have to let me go.”

“Yes, but.”

“But what?” Ryan tilted his head back so he could attempt to look Esposito in the eyes.

“Will you come home with me?”

“Tonight?” Ryan shrugged. “Yeah. I could I suppose. I’ll pack a bag and…”

“No. Well. Yeah. But. I meant now. So I can change for work today.”

“If you want me to go with you, I will.” Ryan rested his hand against Esposito’s cheek. “Do you want me to come home with you tonight?”

“Unless you’re willing to let me stay here,” Esposito said. “I’d like to spend more time with you. Get to know you better.” He pressed his nose against Ryan’s hand. “I think…”

Ryan pressed his fingers and then his lips quickly over Esposito’s. “I don’t want to know what you think. Not yet. I know what you’re feeling. And for now. It’s enough.”

“So you’ll come with me?”

“Give me a few minutes to throw some things in a bag.” He smiled at Esposito. “And you have to let me go. Just for a few minutes.”

“Are you going to let me hang onto you in public?” Esposito asked as he reluctantly turned Ryan loose.

“I think people would question it a bit much,” Ryan pointed out. “But if you need to touch me, we can figure something out. Have some sort of sign.” He eyed Esposito for a minute. “It’s helping your senses, isn’t it?”

Esposito nodded. “It’s helping a lot.”

“We’ll figure it out then,” Ryan said. He reached into the closet and grabbed a duffle bag, quickly throwing a pair of jeans and a pullover into it; then carefully adding a suit. He moved over to the dresser and pulled somethings out before heading into the bathroom. A minute later he reemerged and zipped up the bag. “Okay, ready.”

Esposito blinked. “You pack quicker than some of the guys I deployed with.”

Ryan shrugged. “It’s one night.”

“For now.”




Esposito herded Ryan ahead of him into his building. He’d stuck close to the other man on the subway ride over, but managed not to adhere himself to Ryan as much as he’d wanted to. Now he allowed himself to place a hand at the small of Ryan’s back so he could guide him towards the elevator. He had just pressed the up button when the door slid open and his neighbor, Mrs. Alverez, started out. Her eyes narrowed when she saw him and she spat out a slew of Spanish, causing Ryan to blink.

Esposito held up his hands, attempting to placate the woman with rapid-fire Spanish. Ryan felt like he was at a Ping-Pong match as his head bounced between the two of them, trying to follow a conversation in a language he didn’t understand. Finally Esposito said something that seemed to satisfy her and he was able to escort Ryan into the elevator as she went on her way. Ryan waited until the doors closed to ask, “Do I want to know what that was all about?”

“Probably not,” Esposito admitted. He glanced at Ryan who had managed to cross his arms and still hold onto his duffle. “But I suppose you want me to tell you.”

“That would be a good supposition,” Ryan answered.

Leaning forward, Esposito brushed his nose and then his lips against Ryan’s; smiling when Ryan didn’t push him away. “Keep challenging me. And don’t ever be afraid to speak your mind with me.”

“Then tell me what that was about.” Ryan glared at him. “I won’t have you in trouble the day after I found you.”

“I’m not in trouble,” Esposito assured him as he opened the door to his apartment. “She was mostly pointing out that I didn’t come home last night. That I’m still in the same clothes and I have someone with me and I’m setting a bad example. Her final shot was what would my mother say?”

“All that? It seemed like a lot more,” Ryan commented.

“Well there was a bit more, but that was the gist of it,” Esposito said. “You can put your bag in my room.”

Ryan didn’t have much time to look around the apartment as Esposito hustled him through the living room. “Are you trying to prevent me from seeing something?” he asked teasingly.

“You can poke around all you want tonight.” Esposito pointed towards the corner where the lower dresser stood. “You can put your duffle there.”

“Okay if I hang my suit?” Ryan unzipped the bag and pulled it out.

“Make yourself at home, Kev.” Esposito winced as the nickname slipped out. “Is that okay?”

“Which? The nickname or making myself at home?” Ryan smiled. “Kev or Kevin is fine. Whichever you feel more comfortable with. Just not Kevvie, okay?”

“I can do that.” Esposito dug clean clothes out of his dresser and tossed them on his bed, stripping off his dirty clothes with no thought to Ryan being in the same room. “I want you to be comfortable here.”

Ryan ducked his head as Esposito unselfconsciously finished stripping, reaching for clean clothes. Turning towards the closet, he busied himself with hanging his suit, peeking around to get glimpses of the well-built man as he took his time pulling on the new clothes. At one point Ryan caught sight of a smug look and figured Esposito had caught the uptick in his heartbeat. He tried to slow it, breathing deeply, but assumed that would only call more attention to it and gave up.

He was so wrapped up in attempting to control his own reactions, that he didn’t hear Esposito move across the room, and started when the other man’s hands settled on his hips. “Don’t be afraid of me. Or what you feel,” Esposito whispered against his skin. “I won’t force you into anything.”

“I’m not afraid,” Ryan asserted. “I know you won’t.”

Esposito took a chance, untucking Ryan’s shirt a bit and sliding his fingers underneath until he found skin. “I’m glad.”

“I know what I’d do to you if we didn’t have to go to work,” Ryan told him, reaching back and wrapping an arm around Esposito’s neck so he could hold the slightly taller man tight against him.

“What’s that?” Esposito’s fingers tightened against him.

“Push you down on that bed and run my fingers across all that smooth golden skin.” He smiled when he felt Esposito shudder against him. “But I’m not calling out my second day in homicide.”

“Tonight then?” Esposito ran his fingers across Ryan’s abs, eliciting a shudder in return. “You can do whatever you want tonight.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Right now, if you’re changed, we need to get to work.”

Reluctantly, Esposito turned Ryan loose so he could move away from the closet. “If we have to.”



“Why don’t you get comfortable?” Esposito nudged Ryan towards the bedroom when they entered the apartment. “I’ll start dinner.” He took a moment to indulge himself and ran a hand down Ryan’s back. “You okay with spicy?”

“Probably not as spicy as you like since you put tabasco sauce on eggs,” Ryan answered, “but yeah a little bit is all right.” He leaned into the touch. “And you don’t have to cook.”

“It’ll take less time than ordering something. And I want to cook,” Esposito replied. “Go on.”

By the time Ryan returned to the kitchen, Esposito had pulled out and assembled a plate full of quesadillas. He was just sliding them into the grill when Ryan stepped into the room. “Anything I can do?”

“Nope. They just need to…” Esposito turned around to face him and stopped at the sight of Ryan in a pair of well-worn jeans and a t-shirt that had been faded from numerous washings. He hadn’t bothered to put socks or shoes back on and his bare feet peeked out from the hem of his jeans. “I. Just.” He quickly turned back to the grill. “It’ll just be a few minutes.”

Ryan ducked his head, hiding his smile at Esposito’s apparent distraction. He hadn’t expected that reaction—had simply followed the directions to get comfortable—but was pleased with it. “Are you sure I can’t get drinks or something?”

“There’s soda and beer in the fridge,” Esposito replied. “Whichever you want. And plates are in that cupboard.” He pointed towards the right one.

Ryan followed directions again, pulling out the bottles of water he found instead of the offered drinks, and then getting two plates. As he turned back, Esposito opened the grill and he hurried to get the plates over in time for the other man to slide the quesadillas onto one. “These look good.”

Esposito smiled, happy that he had pleased his guide, and nodded towards the living room. “It’ll be more comfortable out there.”

“What about you?”

“It won’t take me long to cook up some more.” Ryan settled onto the couch, waiting for Esposito to join him. When the older man came out into the living room, he frowned. “Why didn’t you start eating?”

“I was waiting for you. My mother did teach me some manners,” Ryan answered, sliding down to make room for Esposito to join him on the couch. “It’ll be fine.”

Esposito sat down on the couch as close as he dared to Ryan, wanting to press himself up against the other man’s side, but not wanting to test the boundaries too much. “Go ahead and eat.”

“Why are you way over there?” Ryan asked as he followed directions.

“I thought. I figured we should maybe talk. Before.”

Ryan’s eyebrows raised at his words. “Before? Now you’re starting to worry me. I mean, our relationship hasn’t exactly been what I would call normal, but what do you feel I have to know? I already know you’re a creepy stalker. Like Edward levels of stalker creepy.”

“I didn’t watch you sleep,” Esposito protested. “I stayed outside the apartment and just…”

“Still. With the creepy stalking!” Ryan scolded. Esposito hung his head, clearly upset at being scolded by Ryan. Ryan sighed at his reaction. “Oh, stop. So you want to talk? Then talk.”

“I don’t know if you have any idea what’s going on?” Esposito started slowly.

“I know that you are easier to read than anyone I’ve ever met,” Ryan replied. “That no one has ever gotten through my shields this easily and I have to concentrate more to keep you out than let you in.”

“I told you that I was looking for you. That I’d been searching my whole life. Do you understand what I am? I’m a sentinel, I’m supposed to have a guide, and you’re it. If you’ll have me.”

“God, why do I feel like you just proposed to me?” Ryan moaned.

“Because I kind of did?”

“This bond is already forming, isn’t it?” Ryan asked, ignoring the proposal for now.

“Yes. It’s not so far that we most likely couldn’t break it, but…” Esposito set his plate down, food forgotten as he turned to face Ryan. “I don’t want to. I know you’re the one I’ve been waiting for. Kev, I’ve seen bonded pairs and they were just… amazing.” Esposito reached out, rubbing Ryan’s fingers and running his own fingers up the other man’s arm. “I’ve wanted that. Craved that. But if you don’t want me? Then I won’t force it on you.”

“NO!” Ryan almost shouted. When Esposito flinched away from the sound, he lowered his voice, “No, I don’t want that. I do want you. I’d just like to take our time.”

Esposito almost folded in on himself. “I understand. You want us to get to know each other. But just so you know, every time we touch, the bond strengthens.”

“So if I were to lay you out like I talked about this morning…”

“It would probably lock the bond into place.”

“But you’re not positive.”

“I can’t be positive.” Esposito shook his head. “But I can feel the bond. And it’s already… If you spend that much time touching me now. I can almost guarantee that it cause the bond to finish.”

“If you’re feeling as much of the need to touch as I am, I don’t think we can not.” Ryan linked his fingers through Esposito’s. “Besides you aren’t positive. And I know what I felt. You won’t hurt me. You can’t hurt me.”

Esposito’s head shake became frantic. “No. I wouldn’t. I’d hurt myself first.”

“So the other stuff? The day to day stuff? The getting to know you stuff? We’ll work that out. You need to be stable in order to work and just live.” Ryan used his hold on Esposito to tug him forward. “You said you’d know your guide. Your one when you found him. Are you telling him that you now think you’re wrong?”

“No,” Esposito breathed. “It’s you.”

“Then trust me.”

Ryan tugged gently on Esposito’s hand, pulling him up from the couch, and slowly leading him from the living room. Esposito followed his tugs, willingly and eagerly, allowing Ryan to set the pace. “Kev,” he started.

“Nope,” Ryan said as they crossed into the bedroom. “My turn now.” He stepped closer to Esposito and gripped the edge of his pullover. “I’m going to take your shirt off now.” As he eased the shirt upwards, he allowed his fingers to skate across the skin he bared, watching with avid eyes as Esposito shuddered beneath his touch.

“Kevin,” the sentinel breathed. “I need…”

“I know,” Ryan assured him. “And you’ll get it.” Esposito leaned towards him, clearly looking for more contact. “Hang on,” Ryan murmured. “Here.” He maneuvered Esposito towards the bed, pushing gently until the other man sat down on it.

“Come here,” Esposito requested, pulling on Ryan’s belt loops.

“Yeah. Okay.” Ryan took a moment to pull his own t-shirt off, before straddling Esposito’s legs and pushing him backwards until he tumbled down onto the bed. As the sentinel lay down, he followed him, spreading out across the other man so as much of their bodies touched as possible.

Esposito groaned as Ryan settled against him. He wrapped his arms around his guide, breathing, “Mine,” into the man’s skin as he held him tightly.

Ryan rubbed his hand across the top of Esposito’s head; the other man’s hair not long enough for him to run his hand through it. The action resulted in an almost purr from the sentinel and Ryan smiled. “Like that, huh?” He traced his fingers along Esposito’s ears and down his neck, humming almost quietly as he did. “I can feel you. Feel the… It must be the bond,” he said quietly. He tilted his head, pressing his lips against Esposito’s. “Mine,” he whispered against them when he drew back a little.

“I’m gonna take care of you,” Esposito whispered in response, brushing his hands down Ryan’s back. He ducked his head, burying it in the crook of Ryan’s neck, and breathing deeply. Wrapping his arms around the man on top of him, he gently rolled them over until Esposito was the one on top. Caging the slighter man, he nosed along his pulse as he slowly cataloged and memorized his guide. “I’ll be able to find you. Always and everywhere.”

Ryan wiggled around, not trying to get away from Esposito, but attempting to get comfortable. After a minute, Esposito rolled again, settling on the bed next to Ryan. It took them a few adjustments, but they finally got settled, wrapping around each other; Esposito’s hand resting over Ryan’s heart. “So where do you want to go from here?” Ryan asked eventually.

“We get to know each other,” Esposito replied. He didn’t say that he wanted Ryan to move in with him. Or that he wanted him. Those things would have to wait.