Quill, Parchment, & Ink

Title: Atypical Education
Characters: Duke Crocker, Andrew Wuornos (OC), mention of Audrey Parker, Nathan Wuornos
Fandom: Haven
Series: The Continuing Saga of the Wuornos Clan
Written For: whogeek
Prompt: Duke would make a great uncle
Summary: Duke gets a surprise visitor who needs a little assistance with some education…and not the type Duke normally provides.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: none for the show; would be considered post-series
Warnings: swearing, slight discussion of sexual nature but nothing graphic
Disclaimer: No one recognizable belongs to me.
Author's Note: So I posted that story earlier. And now I’m posting this one…and I’m still talking to whogeek and ummm Nathan plus kids equals total adorableness so there will probably be more. Which is why this now has a series title.



Long familiarity with his boat meant that Duke didn’t actually have to watch where he was going as he made his way through the passageway. His attention almost entirely on the food order from the Grey Gull, he made notations as he read and muttered about the alcohol consumption of his patrons. He’d just stepped into the stateroom when he heard, “Hey, Uncle Duke.”

His papers went flying as he jumped in surprise, his hand automatically going for the closest weapon when the voice and words registered. “Damn it! Andrew Garland Wuornos! Don’t do that!” Bending he scooped up the scattered papers, sending a glare at his honorary nephew and godson. “What are you doing here?”

Andrew’s chin jutted out, in an unconscious imitation of his father. “You said I could visit anytime I wanted.”

“I said you could visit. I didn’t say you could give me a heart attack.” Duke cast about and finally tossed his papers onto the table, deciding to deal with them later. Despite everything Andrew really didn’t show up unannounced all that often, not like when he was a kid and he’d run down as soon as school was out because Nathan and Audrey were busy with police business. Or he’d keep a stool warm at the Grey Gull so his parents could finish stuff up at the station. Duke never minded having him around, although he made sure to complain to his parents out of the kid’s hearing; it wouldn’t do to let them take advantage of him. “What’s going on, Andy?”

“Mom and Dad are busy.” Andrew shrugged. “I didn’t want to be at home.”

“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter,” Duke answered. “What happened?”

“Dad tried to give me The Talk.”

For a minute Duke just stared at the teenager before he burst out laughing. “The Talk? Nathan? Our Nathan Wuornos tried to talk to you about sex? Oh I would have paid good money to see that!”

“Uncle Du-uke!” Andrew wailed. “It’s not funny. He couldn’t even look at me. Or string together more than three words at a time.”

Duke grabbed a chair, spinning it around so he could straddle it, and ignoring the ache in his bones as he did so. “You’re right. It’s not funny. If for no other reason than it’s a serious subject. Any idea what brought up the subject with your dad?”

“He might have caught me kissing Celeste Robbins,” Andrew admitted sheepishly.

Duke snorted. “Yeah, that would do it. All right. I remember Haven High Sex Ed being short on information and long on ‘don’t do it’ so what do you need to know? I’d rather have you informed than in trouble later.”

“Uncle Duke!” Andrew protested, his face reddening under the darker skin tone he’d inherited from his father. He might have Audrey’s fairer hair and eyes, but he’d gotten Nathan’s swarthy complexion that normally didn’t show a blush. “I…you…oh my god.”

Duke leaned back, pulling open his fridge and snagging a beer and a soda from the top shelf. “Come on, kid. I’ll make this as painful as possible.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Andrew answered as he accepted the soda, knowing better than to try and swipe the beer. Duke might be getting on in years, but his reflexes were as sharp as ever.

Duke tousled the teenager’s hair. “Would you rather sit through your dad’s attempt again?”

“No. No. It’s okay. You can…educate me.” Andrew shuddered. “I never want to have another serious conversation like that with Dad again.”

Duke pressed a few foil packets into Andrew’s hand as they made their way out onto the deck as dusk began to fall. “If you think of anything else you want to know, Andy, you’re welcome to come and talk to me.”

Andrew shook his head, his ears still red from the frank discussion he’d had with Duke. “No. I think you were quite…through.”

“Look, Andy. I know it was uncomfortable, but you need to know these things.”

“Yeah. Okay.” The teenager looked down at what was in his hand. “What the hell, Uncle Duke? Did you really just hand me condoms?”

“Hey, I know you’re gonna have sex. I sure did at your age. Let’s be honest about it, even your dad did. And you need to be safe. For yourself and your partner. Just…don’t tell your mother where you got them.”

Andrew blinked. “Don’t tell Mom? But it’s okay to tell Dad?”

“Your mom carries a gun. I want you to be safe, but I’m not stupid.”

Andrew chuckled at that. “I’m not sure I want Mom to know I’m considering having sex anyway.”

Duke put a hand behind the boy’s neck, pulling him in and hugging him. He could remember when Andrew was small enough to ride on his shoulders and now he stood eye level with the older man. “Tell your parents I’ll see them for dinner tomorrow. And give your sisters my love.”

“Sure, Uncle Duke. Thanks.” Andrew turned to wave as he reached the dock, then hurried over to where he’d left his bicycle, swiftly disappearing towards home. Duke stuffed his hands into his jeans’ pockets and leaned against the railing of his boat, contemplating the changes in his life. It hadn’t been what he had expected, but he was content with it.